In the children’s book Zen Shorts by Jon Muth, a giant panda named Stillwater tells three stories to young siblings Addy, Michael, and Karl. All of the stories are famous Buddhist teachings, and you may be familiar with them even if you haven’t seen this beautifully illustrated book.

The third story Stillwater shares with Karl is called “A Heavy Load” and is about two traveling monks. During their journey, two monks come upon an awful woman who refuses to cross a river because she does not wish to get her silken robes wet or dirty. The older of the two monks quickly picks up the woman and carries her across the water. Many hours later, the younger monk is very upset and visibly angry about his friend helping someone so disdainful, and he feels obliged to share his frustration with the older monk:

“That woman back there was very selfish and rude, but you picked her up on your back and carried her! Then she didn’t even thank you!”

“I set the woman down hours ago,” the older monk replied. “Why are you still carrying her?”

I think of this story whenever I find a dirty cup in our television room or clothing on the floor instead of in the hamper or notice that a co-worker dropped the ball on a small task. I remind myself that I have two options — I can be like the young monk and throw a fit and be in a bad mood and let it annoy me for hours, or I can be like the older monk and take care of the problem myself and immediately let go of the frustration. I get to decide if I want the cup or errant sock or unfinished task to clutter up my mind and put me in a bad mood, and, since I’d rather not have that clutter wasting my time and energy, I usually choose to be like the older monk.

I’m not a maid — and I’m not suggesting you become one either — but I get to decide how I’m going to react to a situation. Remembering, too, that I don’t know the full story behind why the glass or sock are out of place or why a task at work was left unfinished. For all I know, my co-worker got an important call from a client and had to stop a project mid-way through completion to handle an emergency. By helping out, instead of getting frustrated and throwing a fit, I’m making the situation better for myself and others. I get to choose not to fill my time with more clutter than the small item I encountered.

That said, if there is a persistent habit of other people leaving messes in their wake, a conversation about that behavior is certainly in order. However, frustrations caused by occasional messes are usually not worth carrying around with you and cluttering up your mind, energy, and emotions.

静水讲给Karl的故事叫做“沉重的包袱”，是关于两个和尚旅行途中的故事。有一天，两个和尚碰到一位让人头疼的妇女，她因为怕弄湿弄脏自己的丝裙而拒绝过河。年长一些的和尚立刻背起这个妇女过了河。过了几个小时，年轻的和尚对这件事耿耿于怀，并且怒形于色。他觉得自己的同伴不应该帮助这个令人鄙视的妇女，决定一定要把自己的不快告知同伴：

"那个女的既自私又无理，你还要背她过河！而且事后她连声谢谢都没说！”

“几个小时前我就把她放下了，”年长的和尚回答说，“你却为何一直放她不下？”

每当我看到客厅里有用过没洗的水杯，或丢在地板上而不是篮子里的脏衣服，或者看到同事有一些小任务没能完成，我都会想到这个故事。我提醒自己有两个选择——我可以像那个年轻的和尚一样发一通脾气，让坏情绪占据自己好几个小时，或者我可以选择像那个年长的和尚一样自己解决掉那个问题，不让坏情绪跟着自己。我必须决定是否让那个没洗的杯子、到处乱丢的袜子或是没完成的任务成为困扰我的因素。由于我并不想让这些负面的情绪浪费我的时间和精力，我通常选择那个年长和尚的做法。

我不是个奴仆，我也不希望你也变成这样，但我必须决定我如何应对这些情况。而且也别忘了，我并不知道到底为什么杯子或者袜子被乱放，也不知道那个任务究竟为什么没有完成。我所知道的就是：我的同事接到一个重要的客户电话，然后必须停下手中的工作去应对一个紧急情况。与其生气发一通脾气，不如帮助他完成那个任务，这样对我对他都有好处。所以我选择去完成这些小的任务，而不是浪费时间在生气上。

在这个前提下，如果有些人养成了给别人创造麻烦的习惯，就必须有人找他们谈谈。不过，偶尔的不注意一般就不值得耿耿于怀了，这样做只能困扰自己的心灵、能量和情绪。