The other day as I talked with a friend Irecalled（回想起） a story that I heard this summer. "A compassionate person, seeing a butterfly struggling to freeitself from its cocoon, and wanting to help, very gently loosened the filamentsto form an opening.  

The butterfly was freed, emerged（从某种状态中脱出） from the cocoon（茧）, and fluttered about butcould not fly. What the compassionate person did not know was that only throughthe birth struggle can the wings grow strong enough for flight. Its shortenedlife was spent on the ground; it never knew freedom, never really lived."

I callit learning to love with an open hand. It is a learning which has come slowlyto me and has been wrought （锻炼的）in the fires of pain and in the waters of patience（毅力）. I am learning that I must free the one I love, for if I clutch orcling, try to control, I lose what I try to hold.

If I tryto change someone I love because I feel I know how that person should be, I robhim or her of a precious right, the right to take responsibility for one's ownlife and choices and way of being. Whenever I impose（加强，强迫） my wish or want ortry to exert（施加） power over another, I rob him or herof the full realization of growth and maturation. I limit and prevent by my actof possession, no matter how kind my intention.

I canlimit and injure by the kindest acts of protection or concern. Over extended itcan say to the other person more eloquentlythan words, "You are unable to care for yourself; I must take care of youbecause you are mine. I am responsible for you."

As Ilearn and practice more and more, I can say to the one I love: "I loveyou, I value you, I respect you and I trust that you have the strength tobecome all that it is possible for you to become—if I don't get in your way. I love you so much that I canset you free to walk beside me in joy and in sadness.

I willshare your tears but I will not ask you not to cry. I will respond to yourneeds. I will care and comfort you, but I will not hold you up when you canwalk alone. I will stand ready to be with you in your grief and loneliness butI will not take it away from you. I will strive(努力，力求) to listen to your meaning as well as your word,but I shall not always agree.

Sometimes I will be angry and when I am, I will try to tell you openly so that Ineed not hate our differences or feel estranged(疏远的). I can not always be with you or hear what you sayfor there are times when I must listen to myself and care for myself, and whenthat happens I will be as honest with you as I can be."

I amlearning to say this, whether it be in words or in my way of being with othersand myself, to those I love and for whom I care. And this I call loving with anopen hand.

Icannot always keep my hands off the cocoon, but I am getting better at it!

译文：前几天和一位朋友闲聊时，我想起今年夏天听到的一个故事：“有个人很富有同情心，看到一只蝴蝶拼命挣扎想冲破茧的束缚，就帮了个忙，轻轻地解开茧丝使其露出一个缺口。

　　蝴蝶得到解放，从茧中出来振翅欲飞，然而却飞不起来。这位富有同情心的人所不知道的是，只有经过挣扎破茧而出，翅膀才能变得强壮，可以飞翔。这只蝴蝶短暂的生命只能在地上度过了，它从未尝过自由的滋味，没有真正享受过生活。“

　　我把它叫做学会放爱一条生路。这个教训经历了痛苦的锻造和耐心的洗礼，我才逐渐认识到。我学会了必须给所爱的人自由，如果我抓得太紧、紧握不放、设法控制，结果可能会失去他们。

　　如果我试图改变所爱的人，仅仅因为我觉得他/她应该这样，就等于是掠夺了他/她的一项珍贵的权利，即他/她对自己生命的责任权和生活方式的选择权。无论何时我把自己的意志和权力强加给别人，都会导致他/她无法完全成长和成熟。无论我的意图多么善良，我的控制行为还是限制和阻碍了他们。

　　即使保护或关心这种最善意的行为也会限制和伤害别人。“你无法照顾自己，我必须照顾你，因为你是我的，我要对你负责。”对别人说这么动人的语言远远超越了你的权力。

　　随着我学习和锻炼的增多，现在我会这样告诉我爱的人：“我爱你、珍惜你、尊重你，我相信你有足够的实力发展成为你想要成为的人——如果我不阻碍你的话。我是那么爱你，所以我给你自由，和我共享欢乐与悲伤。

　　我会和你一起流泪，但我不会要求你停止哭泣。我会满足你的需要，关心你、安慰你，但在你能够独立行走时我不会阻挡你。我会时刻准备好，在你悲伤和孤独时站到你身边，但我不会把你的悲伤和孤独带走。我会尽力理解你的话语及其中涵义，但不会总是赞同。

　　有时我会生气，当我生气时，我会尽量坦率地告诉你，这样我就不会对我们之间的分歧怀恨于心，产生疏远的感觉。我无法时刻与你在一起，或者听你诉说，因为有时我需要倾听自己，关心自己，当这些发生时，我会尽量告诉你。“

　　我不会总把双手从茧的身旁移开，但我正在逐渐进步！