poor, when I saw her kicking a can down the street, I asked her what she was doing, she said "Moving."

nasty, her hairy armpits look like she's got Buckwheat in a headlock.

ugly, when she puts her face next to the bowl trying to hear snap-crackle-pop, all she heard was "ARGHHHHHHHH!!! Let's get the hell outta here."

old, she co-wrote one of the ten commandments.

poor, they put her picture on food stamps.

old, she owes Jesus Christ a quarter.

old, her social security number is 1.

poor, she can't even pay attention.

poor, she went to Kentucky Fried Chicken and licked everyone else's fingers.

old, she knew Burger King When he was a prince.

old, she's got Jesus' beeper number.

glasses are so thick, when she looks at a map, she can see people waving at her

ugly, cockroaches go like this "HI! MOM"

poor, when she heard about "Last Supper," she thought she ran out of food stamps

old, she planted the first tree at Central Park

old, she owes Fred Flintstone a food stamp

ugly, that your father takes her to work with him so that he doesn't have to kiss her goodbye.

old, that when she was in school there was no history class.

old, she has a picture of Moses in her yearbook.

old, she was a waitress at the Last Supper.

poor, when I ring the doorbell she says,"DING!"

poor, she ate cereal with a fork to save milk.

hairy, Bigfoot took a picture of her!

skinny, she turned sideways and dissapeared.

poor, she went to McDonald's and had to put her french fries on lay-a-way.

old, she knew Captain Crunch when he was a private

nearsighted, she can see the future

old, her birth certificate says "Expired" on it.

old, she was Bob Dole's baby sitter