Title: Why are you interested in the Ohio State University?

Just as fireplace always serves to warm those frozen people in those chilly winter nights, the passion for biology never fail to warm my heart and brighten my brain throughout my life. Dating back to my fresh year in high school when I first come into contact with biology I have been yearn for deep studying in this diverse and rapidly evolving field.

Unfortunately two years study in Beijing Normal University Zhuhai Campus only provides me several disappointing situations. The chaotic courses confused my career goal and the cramming education is limiting my potential. The dull atmosphere of academic and life extremely failed my zeal for biology. Hardly can I have a feeling of fulfillment in learning.

On the contrary, Ohio State University amazed me by her academic reputation and world-class facilities. Firstly, OSU keeps the size of its classes small and I value this close faculty-student interaction that cannot be achieved at my current school. This system stimulates a unique campus culture of independent study which fascinates me most because I can develop my ability of deliberation and analysis. Owing to the small class and abundance faculty there will be no abandoned questions. Secondly, OSU matches my dream in its extensive resources and opportunities in my intended major—biology. There are tons of resources dedicated to helping me along me study way as well as the 2 libraries dedicated to bio science.

In addition, abundant activities will largely enrich my collage life. OSU is the largest university in America. Different races are living and study together that I can easily broaden my scope of cultural diversity as I dreamed. What’s more, I keep reading the on-line Lantern after my decision of application. The critical comments to campus issues lighten my inspiration all the time. A striking example when Obama came to OSU, instead of blinding to celebrity students took the visiting wisely. Besides, there are also numerous interest groups, music performances and volunteer programs which will challenge me physically and professionally, satisfy my musical interest and help fulfill my long-nurtured dream of doing something to benefit people and society.

Last two weeks, I came across a professor in a lecture in my university who is an alumnus of OSU. As a PHD in education he is influencing increasing people by his lectures. I was fortunate to talk with him for few minutes. He encouraged me and shared me some stories during his student life in OSU. I was extremely touched because I am long for being a person just like him. It is always been my ultimate dream that contribute to my motherland with the most advanced knowledge of biology.

I am a motivated person who longs for success; I have clear goals for the future and know how to achieve them. Ohio State University is definitely the ideal place for me. If I can become a member of Ohio State University I will fight on for both my dream and my university.

-----------------------------我是楼主发言的分界线------------------------------------

以上是一篇写过Ohio State University 的申请信，谢谢您能耐心看完，楼主坚决地虚心接受一切意见及拍砖

本人非211or985牛人，有过小研究和助教经验，比较多文艺活动的经历，单纯是一个怀揣着大梦想正步步努力的普通人

希望大家看过后抬手留下您的建议，特别是文字和结构的错误

谢谢！！

关于我帖子的题目： 新东方的老师告诉我，写五篇作文不如改一篇作文，所以楼主从托福备考以来就在不断修改自己的文章

                                 现在虚虚地发上拙作，希望大家一起来修改提高，再次感谢~~~

Unfortunately two years(years’) study in Beijing Normal University Zhuhai Campus only provides me (with，加个with吧)several disappointing situations. The chaotic courses confused(confuse，时态要保持一致啊) my career goal and the cramming education is limiting my potential. The dull atmosphere of academic and life extremely failed(fail，同上) my zeal for biology. Hardly can I have a feeling of fulfillment in learning.

On the contrary, Ohio State University amazed(amazes，同上) me by her academic reputation and world-class facilities. Firstly, OSU keeps the size of (the size of多余，我觉得没有必要要) its classes small and I value this close faculty-student interaction that cannot be achieved at my current school. This system stimulates a unique campus culture of independent study which fascinates me most because I can develop my ability of deliberation and analysis. Owing to the small class and abundance faculty there will be no abandoned questions. Secondly, OSU matches my dream in its extensive resources and opportunities in my intended major—biology. There are tons of resources dedicated to helping me along me(my) study way as well as the 2 libraries dedicated to bio science.

In addition, abundant activities will largely enrich my collage life. OSU is the largest university in America. Different races are living(live) and study together that I can easily broaden my scope of cultural diversity as I dreamed. What’s more, I (can，加个can好些吧) keep reading the on-line Lantern after my decision of application. The critical comments to campus issues (will，将来时好象好些) lighten my inspiration all the time. A striking example (is that，句子不完整)when Obama came to OSU, instead of blinding to celebrity students took the visiting wisely. Besides, there are also numerous interest groups, music performances and volunteer programs which will challenge me physically and professionally, satisfy my musical interest and help fulfill my long-nurtured dream of doing something to benefit people and society.

Last two weeks(Two weeks ago，我只晓得这个用法), I came across a professor in a lecture in my university who is an alumnus of OSU. As a PHD in education he is influencing increasing people by his lectures. I was fortunate to talk with him for few(a few，这个好点) minutes. He encouraged me and shared me some stories during his student life in OSU. I was extremely touched because I am long(longing,动词形式要稍微变化下) for being a person just like him. It is always been my ultimate dream that contribute to my motherland with the most advanced knowledge of biology. (句子结构有些问题，It is always my ultimate dream that I can contribute the most advanced knowledge of biology to my motherland.)

I am a motivated person who longs for success; I have clear(clear是清除的意思吧，我会用understood，注意动词的时态变化) goals for the future and know(have known注意动词的时态变化) how to achieve them. Ohio State University is definitely the ideal place for me. If I can become a member of Ohio State University I will fight on for both my dream and my university.

最后，祝LZ早日实现目标，这样将来我们的国家也多位厉害的生物学家~~~加油~~