The only way to truly get over a breakup is to give it time.
真正走出失恋痛苦的唯一办法就是给它时间。
As biological anthropologist Helen Fisher previously told Business Insider, "The day will come when that person who's been camping in your head is out. And you wake up in the morning and you realise that yesterday you never thought about them at all."
In fact, research suggests that we tend to overestimate how long it will take us to feel better after a breakup.
事实上，研究表明，我们通常会把自己走出失恋痛苦的时间估计得过长。
That said, if you've just landed in Splitsville, there are plenty of ways to speed up the recovery process - so you can show up to work as a functioning human being, and not a sobbing mess.
尽管如此，如果你刚刚分手，有很多方法都可以加速心情的恢复，以便你能正常工作，不再哭哭啼啼。
以下就是专家推荐的应对失恋痛苦的五个科学方法。
1. Don't Facebook-stalk your ex
不要在社交媒体上偷偷关注你的前任
A study published 2012 in the journal Cyberpsychology found that people who creep on their exes' Facebook profiles are more likely to have negative feelings for the person, more likely to desire that person, and less likely to grow from the breakup.
It's hard to say whether looking at an ex's Facebook profile directly causes distress, or whether it's the other way around. Either way, do yourself a favour and try to resist the urge to "just check" what your ex has been up to since the breakup.
2. List five 'must-haves' and five 'can't-stands' in a potential partner
列出潜在伴侣“必须具备”的五个特质和“让你受不了”的五个特质。
That's a tip from Andrea Syrtash, dating expert and author of "He's Just Not Your Type (And That's a Good Thing): How to Find Love Where You Least Expect It."
Syrtash previously told Business Insider she recommends going deeper with each value - so instead of "must have brown hair and brown eyes," try "I must be attracted to this person."
One benefit of this exercise is that you might realise while you want someone who's emotionally open, for example, none of your exes have been. From there, you can start to look for a partner who's more suitable for you.
3. Try not to assume the breakup reflects something wrong with you
不要认为分手反映出你的某种缺陷。
A 2016 paper in the journal Personality and Social Psychology Bulletinsuggests that your ability to deal with a breakup has a lot to do with your sense of self.
One of the study authors, Lauren Howe, broke it down in The Atlantic:
该研究的作者之一劳伦•霍伊在《大西洋月刊》上分析道：
"In our research, people reported the most prolonged distress after a romantic rejection when it caused their self-image to change for the worse. People who agreed that the rejection made them question who they really were also reported more often that they were still upset when they thought about the person who had rejected them."
On the other hand, Howe wrote, people who responded with remarks such as, "I learned that two people can both be quality individuals, but that doesn't mean they belong together" tended to have an easier time with the breakup.
Howe recommends that we try to "question our own narratives" about what the breakup reveals about us in order to have an easier time coping.
分手揭示出你的个人缺陷？霍伊建议“不要听从这个内心的声音”，这样分手后才不会那么痛苦。
4. Write about a silver lining you've found in the breakup
把分手的好处写下来
Research suggests that simply journaling about your emotions surrounding a breakup can make you feel worse.
研究显示，把和分手有关的情感历程记录下来会让你感觉更糟。
But a study published 2015 in the journal Social and Personal Relationships found a specific type of journalling can help you cope: writing a redemptive narrative. That is, a story about how you turned suffering - in this case, a breakup - into a positive experience.
Participants in the study felt less distressed after writing their redemptive narratives for four days - so it's unclear how long the effects last.
该研究的参与者在连续写了四天救赎故事后，感觉没那么痛苦了，至于这个效果能持续多久就不清楚了。
5. Talk about the breakup谈论分手
This strategy might seem counterintuitive: Why dwell on a painful past?
这个策略听上去也许违反了我们的直觉：为什么要沉湎于痛苦的往事呢？
And yet a study published 2015 in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science found that simply participating in research on breakups can help people get over them.
A group of participants who spent more time talking to experimenters and filling out surveys about the breakup later experienced less distress than a group who spent minimal time on the same activities. The first group was also less likely to agree with statements like, "I do not feel like myself anymore."
