THEY ATTACK YOUR CHARACTER VS. COMPLAINING ABOUT SPECIFIC THINGS.
他们攻击你的人格VS.具体埋怨某件事。
Fighting about sex? Money? In-laws? Our experts tell you what you're really fighting about andhow to get the issue solved once and for all so you don't have to keep having the samearguments every three months.
We all do things we're not proud of but being shamed for them. Even if your partner has donesomething truly terrible, like cheated on you, publicly or privately shaming them may feel goodin the moment, but it won't help you move forward. "Rather than shaming them for a behaviorthat they are doing, take accountability and ownership for your part and your own feelings," says Shirani M. Pathak, Ph.D., licensed psychotherapist and founder of the Center for SoulfulRelationships. "When you approach it from this place, you take personal responsibility and therelationship has a chance to grow and evolve, rather than deteriorate with resentments."
我们都做过一些不光彩、感到羞耻的事情。即使你的另一半做过一些十分糟糕的事情，比如出轨，公开或私下里羞辱他们可能会让你一时快意，但却无益于你继续向前。"不要为他们的行为羞辱他们，相反，找出自己应该承担的责任，说出你的感受，"持证心理治疗师兼灵魂恋情中心的创始人Shirani M. Pathak博士说道。"当你从这一角度解决问题时，你承担了自己的责任，从而给这段感情成长和升华的机会，而不是让怨恨毁掉这段感情。"
"WHY DIDN'T YOU ANSWER MY TEXT?"
"你干嘛不回我短信？"
Texting is great for communicating certain things: Appointment confirmations, lunch orders, shopping lists, and (obviously) funny memes. What it's not great for? Communicatingemotions. Couples often end up in blow-out fights about things said (or not said) in a text. "Texts are too easily misinterpreted," says Laney Zukerman, Ph.D., psychology professor andauthor of Lessons for an Urban Goddess. If a conflict starts in a text, whatever you do, don'tcontinue that argument by texting, she adds. "If you are upset, frustrated or truly angry aboutsomething, you will need to breathe and wait until you see your partner in person to expressyour upset. Impulsive texting is a big no no."
发短信很适合交流一些事情：确认预约、订午餐、购物清单和有趣的回忆（显而易见）。那不适合什么呢？交流感情。情侣们总会因为短信中说过的一些话而大吵一架，最终导致分手。"短信很容易让人产生误解，"心理学教授兼《写给城市女神的教训》（Lessons for an UrbanGoddess）一书的作者莱尼•祖克曼博士说道。如果争吵是由短信引起的，不管你在做什么，千万不要通过发短信继续争吵，她补充说。"如果你对某事真的很伤心、沮丧或生气，你应该深呼吸，然后等见到另一半本人时再说出自己的难过。冲动的发短信绝对是大大的不可以。"
"YES YOU DID SAY THAT"
"对，你说过这话！"
I never said that! Yes you did! No I didn't! Getting caught in a who-said-what loop is a surefireway to end up even angrier than when you started fighting. "This is an unproductive argumentat a most fundamental level because it can never be resolved - that is unless they happenedto videotape the argument, and even then might be iffy," says Mark Sharp, Ph.D., psychologistand owner of the Aiki Relationship Institute in Oak Brook, Illinois.
