Maintaining Workplace Insanity Insanity, Workplace, Maintaining

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Maintaining Workplace Insanity

Page yourself over the intercom (Don't disguise your voice)

Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits

Always wear them one day after your boss does

Make up nicknames for co-workers; refer to them only by these names:

"That's a good point, Sparky" or "No I'm sorry, Cherry"

Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them what you're doing:

For example: "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom"

"Hi-lite" your shoes

Tell people that you haven't lost your shoes since you did this

While sitting at your desk,

soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid

Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle

Have a portable CD player with steel drum recordings

Put a chair facing a printer

Sit there for hours & tell people you're waiting for your document

Arrive at a meeting late, say you didn't have time to eat;

During the meeting, eat five entire raw potatoes.

Insist that your e-mail address be:

zena_goddess_of_fire or zeus_god_most_powerful @companyname.com

Every time someone asks you to do something,

ask them if they want fries with that

Get into an e-mail debate with yourself over a company policy

Forward the mail to a co-worker & ask him/her to settle the disagreement

Encourage your colleagues to relax with you --

suggest synchronized chair dancing

Put your garbage can on your desk --

Label it IN

Determine how many cups of coffee is too many

Thru trial and error

Develop an unnatural fear of staplers --

Demand they all be chained to the desks

Decorate with pictures of Cindy Brady and Danny Partridge --

Insist that they are your children

Wear a mask and snorkel

If you have a fish tank, see how many you can catch

Send e-mail messages saying free food in the lunchroom,

when people complain there was none, say "Oh you've gotta be faster"

Put decaef in the coffeemaker for three weeks --

After everyone is over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso