Mistakes Made
by Adolf Hitler
1. Land War in Asia
2. Keeping his little moustache, not growing a friendly Abe Lincoln beard to instill trust among subjects
3. Not buying lifts for his shoes
4. Failure to exploit Me 262 Messerschmidt
5. Chose swastika as party symbol rather than the daisy
6. Lost the Ark to Indiana Jones
7. Chose unfashionable blacks and browns rather than trendy plaids and stripes as uniform colors for SS & SA
8. Referring to Stalin as "that old Georgian fat back"
9. Indiscriminate use of V-2 rockets for public fireworks displays
10. Free beer in munitions plants
11. Lisp never corrected
12. Failed to conquer strategically important Comoros Islands
13. Fell asleep in staff meetings
14. Chose Italy as ally
15. Got involved with a Sicilian when death was on the line
16. Made pass at Eleanor Roosevelt during 1936 Olympics
17. Built heliport on top of new Reichstag building which looked remarkably like a bullseye from the air
18. Always got Churchill out of bed for conference calls
19. Told Einstein he had a stupid name
20. Used SS instead of LAPD
21. Admired Napoleon's strategy
22. In last days, chose to hide in bunker rather than ask U.S. for a little country place in Hawaii
23. Nightmare involving Pillsbury Doughboy haunted him constantly with war advice
24. Passed up Finish "tanks for snowshoes" offer before invasion of USSR.
25. Spent jail time planning how to conquer the world instead of his own escape.
26. Forgot to write "Dear Joey" letter to Stalin before invasion of Poland
27. Blew nose on Operation Barbarossa maps, forcing extemporaneous invasion of Soviet Union.
28. Took no steps to keep Neville Chamberlain in power
29. Forgot correct interpretation of Nietzche; caused much embarrassment when he used to cite philosophical support for his concept of the
"Oberdude"
30. Listened to too much Wagner and not enough Peter, Paul and Mary
31. Failed to encourage tourism
32. Being born
33. Kept Colonel Klink in command
34. Churchill mistakenly thought "Deutschland Uber Alles" was a veiled threat
35. Used same astrologer as the Reagans.
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