宽恕是一门艺术 宽恕, 艺术

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How to Master the Art of Forgiveness

Many people find it hard to forgive. As we go through life, it’s inevitable that we’ll come across people who wrong（v.冤枉、不公正地对待） us in one way or another. From the one who cuts you off in traffic to the one who puts you on hold and forgets about you, there’s no shortage of people out there who aren’t treating us exactly the way we’d like. Unfortunately, we’re rather limited in our ability to influence their behavior. But the good news is that we have a lot of control over how we react to them.

Forgiving others
To be able to forgive others, it’s helpful to understand where they’re coming from. Sometimes we make assumptions that someone must be a jerk to act a certain way, when there might be factors we aren’t considering.

In many cases, the person who wronged you might have acted completely out of character for some reason, and they might truly be sorry. It’s also possible that they don’t even know they did anything wrong! Try not to make assumptions, and just talk to them instead. Say what they did, why you think it was wrong, and how it made you feel. If they didn’t mean for it to be an act of vengeance（n.报复、报仇）, then why not forgive them?

Forgiving yourself
Sometimes the hardest person to forgive is yourself. If someone else makes a mistake, we’re more objective about it, and we can see that they really did the best they could. If we make the same mistake, it’s a lot harder to be objective. We think back over all the details and see how many things we could have done differently. Other people might say it’s OK, but how do you appease (v.平息、缓和) your own toughest critic?

As with other people, you need to consider what you have to gain by not forgiving yourself. Usually it’s very little. If you can make the situation right, do it. Otherwise, work on doing better next time. If necessary, avoid similar situations until you’re sure you can handle them better. But don’t wallow in（沉溺于） guilt. It’s one of the most useless emotions of all.

      不少人认为宽恕别人很难。生活中，我们常常不可避免地遭遇他人的冒犯。也许你的车被人抢道，也许你的电话被人晾在一边，并不是所有的人都用你喜欢的方式来对待你。很不幸，对于他人的行为我们无能为力，但是，我们可以决定自己对他人冒犯的反应。

宽恕他人
为了宽恕他人，首先要明确你的愤怒来自哪里。有时候，我们认定冒犯自己的人本身就是个无赖，但是这只是单纯的猜测，也许有些原因我们没能考虑到。               
    很多情况下，有些人因为莫名的失态而冒犯了你，事实上他们也对你歉疚得很。或者他们都不知道冒犯了你！不要胡乱猜测了，去跟他们谈谈吧。谈谈他们都做了什么，为什么你觉得这样做不对，告诉他们这让你感觉很不好。如果他们是无心所为，为什么不选择宽恕？

宽恕自己
    有时候最难宽恕的人是自己。别人犯错，我们能客观地看待，他们已经尽了最大努力。但是，当我们犯同样的错误时，反而难以客观对待自己。通常我们会仔细回想每一步，想着要是当时怎样做就好了。别人可能会理解这个错误，所以怎样平息自己的最严厉指责呢？   
像对待他人一样，你要考虑一下怪罪自己的结果。一般你不会犯大错误。如果能更正的话就更正，如果不能，下次好好做吧。若有必要，在你不能很好地掌控种情况时就尽量避免它。但是不要让内疚淹没自己，那是最没用的感情之一。

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